How to Improve Your Communication Skill

1. Stay Focused: Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes finding mutual understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely, and makes the whole discussion more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another and finding a solution.

2. Listen Carefully: People often think they’re listening, but are really thinking about what they’re going to say next when the other person stops talking. Truly effective communication goes both ways. While it might be difficult, try really listening to what your partner is saying. Don’t interrupt. Don’t get defensive. Just hear them and reflect back what they’re saying so they know you’ve heard. Then you’ll understand them better and they’ll be more willing to listen to you.

3. Try To See Their Point of View: In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. Ironically, if we all do this all the time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view, and nobody feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you can better explain yours. (If you don't 'get it', ask more questions until you do.) Others will more likely be willing to listen if they feel heard.

4. Respond to Criticism with Empathy: When someone comes at you with criticism, it’s easy to feel that they’re wrong, and get defensive. While criticism is hard to hear, and often exaggerated or colored by the other person’s emotions, it’s important to listen for the other person’s pain and respond with empathy for their feelings. Also, look for what’s true in what they’re saying; that can be valuable information for you.

5. Own What’s Yours: Realize that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness. Effective communication involves admitting when you’re wrong. If you both share some responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and admit to what’s yours. It diffuses the situation, sets a good example, and shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond in kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.

6. Use “I” Messages: Rather than saying things like, “You really messed up here,” begin statements with “I”, and make them about yourself and your feelings, like, “I feel frustrated when this happens.” It’s less accusatory, sparks less defensiveness, and helps the other person understand your point of view rather than feeling attacked.

7. Look for Compromise Instead of trying to ‘win’ the argument, look for solutions that meet everybody’s needs. Either through compromise, or a new solution that gives you both what you want most, this focus is much more effective than one person getting what they want at the other’s expense. Healthy communication involves finding a resolution that both sides can be happy with.

8. Take a Time-Out: Sometimes tempers get heated and it’s just too difficult to continue a discussion without it becoming an argument or a fight. If you feel yourself or your partner starting to get too angry to be constructive, or showing some destructive communication patterns, it’s okay to take a break from the discussion until you both cool off. Sometimes good communication means knowing when to take a break.

9. Don’t Give Up: While taking a break from the discussion is sometimes a good idea, always come back to it. If you both approach the situation with a constructive attitude, mutual respect, and a willingness to see the other’s point of view or at least find a solution, you can make progress toward the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless it’s time to give up on the relationship, don’t give up on communication.

10. Ask For Help If You Need It: If one or both of you has trouble staying respectful during conflict, or if you’ve tried resolving conflict with your partner on your own and the situation just doesn’t seem to be improving, you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. Couples counseling or family therapy can provide help with altercations and teach skills to resolve future conflict. If your partner doesn’t want to go, you can still often benefit from going alone.
Tips:

1. Remember that the goal of effective communication skills should be mutual understanding and finding a solution that pleases both parties, not ‘winning’ the argument or ‘being right’.

2. This doesn’t work in every situation, but sometimes (if you’re having a conflict in a romantic relationship) it helps to hold hands or stay physically connected as you talk. This can remind you that you still care about each other and generally support one another.

3. Keep in mind that it’s important to remain respectful of the other person, even if you don’t like their actions.

4. Here's a list of common unhealthy ways to handle conflict. Do you do some of these? If so, your poor communication skills could be causing additional stress in your life.

The Importance Of Communication Skills in All Areas of Life

Maintaining a good relationship is part of living healthy. Your communication skills are important to maintaining those relationships that help you be healthy. How do you communicate? How often do you communicate? Do you initiate conversation?

The people we interact with on a regular basis see you at your best and at your worst. You probably want a healthy overflow of those best moments. Communicating wisely and effectively can help you.

No one likes to be offended and no one likes to be insulted. These are common sense statements, but it is amazing how often this is ignored. The usage of profanities in any conversation can be taken as insults at anytime. One of the best ways to avoid this mistake is to make a conscious choice to not use profanity.

Insults can come in two forms, words and/or gestures. You can avoid a lot of problems by thinking before you speak. Choosing your words before sharing them may be all you need to bring a smile to someone’s face rather than a frown.

Think about how you communicate. Sometimes the way you say something can mean the exact opposite of what you intended. Think about the message your body communicates to others.

Crossing your arms can send the message that you don’t care or you can’t be bothered with the message being communicated to you.

When was the last time you called that “best friend?” Part of communicating is taking the time to say I care by starting conversation and initiating the contact whether it be by phone, email or in person.

Do you initiate contact with your friends and family? Do you call and share your thoughts and concerns? Sometimes it's up to you to make the contact and this is a healthy way of communicating to others that you care about them. Take the initiative to say that you care.

Types of Communication

Communication is generally classified into a couple of types. The classifications include:

Verbal and non-verbal

Technological and non-technological

Mediated and non-mediated

Participatory and non-participatory

However, the commonly known types of communications are :

Intra-personal communication skills : This implies individual reflection, contemplation and meditation. One example of this is transcendental mediation. According to the experts this type of communication encompasses communicating with the divine and with spirits in the form of prayers and rites and rituals.

Interpersonal communication skills : This is direct, face-to-face communication that occurs between two persons. It is essentially a dialogue or a conversation between two or more people.

It is personal, direct, as well as intimate and permits maximum interaction through words and gestures. Interpersonal communications maybe:

Focused Interactions : This primarily results from an actual encounter between two persons. This implies that the two persons involved are completely aware of the communication happening between them.

Unfocused interactions : This occurs when one simply observes or listens to persons with whom one is not conversing. This usually occurs at stations and bus stops, as well as on the street, at restaurants, etc.

Non verbal communication skills : This includes aspects such as body language, gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, etc., which also become a part of the communicating process; as well as the written and typed modes of communications.

Mass communication : This is generally identified with tools of modern mass media, which includes: books, the press, cinema, television, radio, etc. It is a means of conveying messages to an entire populace.

No matter what the different types of communication skills are, communicating is an ever-continuing process that is going on all the time. It is as important to human life as is day-to-day existence.

Examples of Communication Skill

More often than never, most people consider themselves to be good and effective communicators simply because they feel they can speak fluently.

While speaking fluently is an important aspect of communicating, yet it is not the only requirement. One should be able to listen effectively, speak fluently and clearly, write well and read in the language/s they are familiar with.

Apart from these basic aspects of communications, one needs to keep in mind the non-verbal aspects too, in order to be considered adept in communication skills.

The fact is that one needs to constantly work towards developing effective communication skills. And primarily they need to overcome the barriers to effective communication. And this can be done when they are aware of the barriers and shortcomings.

This is in fact the first and foremost primary step to being good communicator. Given here are some of the barriers that occur in communicating effectively. Understanding these barriers will help one comprehend examples of communicating skills. After all breaking down barriers implies setting good examples...

The verbal barriers are:

Attacking :
Interrogating
Criticizing
Blaming
Shaming

You messages :
Moralizing
Preaching
Advising
Diagnosing
Endorsing Power
Ordering
Threatening
Commanding
Directing

Shouting
Name-calling
Refusing to talk


The non-verbal barriers are:
Flashing eyes
Rolling eyes
Quick movements
Slow movements
Arms crossed
Legs crossed

Gestures out of exasperation
Slouching
Hunching
Lack of personal hygiene
Doodling
Avoiding eye contact
Staring at people
Over fidgeting

Good Communication Skill

Every time you communicate, make a point to stop for a few seconds…..and........ reflect on......What are you about to communicate?


I know it is so basic that the first time I saw this one I called it the stupidest law on communication. Now, after having been a successful communicator and having spoken to a few thousand people, I totally agree with this one.


There are a lot of programs which promise instant success in public speaking. If you come across any one of them, Run Away as fast as you can. Public speaking or good communication , in general require practice and guidance. If this is one of your objective's try Instant speak.


Paul Evans, a very successful speaker says that " Successful Public Speaking ( good communication skills, in general) consists of 3 parts


1. Good content... the know how about the subject.
2. Confidence.... Enough courage to stand and speak.
3. Connection.... Ability to convey the message.

Good communication skills that you are learning here are coming out a huge pool of practical experience. You can easily make the most of it by understanding these principles and following them. If you are still in doubt about the importance of communication skills, read on.


The picture was not as rosy always. My teacher used to take me on long walks in unfamiliar cities and make me interact with strangers. I would approach, mutter something and come back. The person whom I spoke with and I would probably forget about the weird incident. I saw no point in this exercise and I could not understand how can this help in developing good communication skills?


Then after days of this torture, he asked me if I felt comfortable doing it? I said that I was. Then, he asked me if it was it helpful any other way? I said no.


He gave me a big smile and said “that was because you didn't know what you wanted to convey to that person.”


And I went "oh yeah?"


After a second, I was smiling too. He always tried to help me realize these principles than teach them. I think that is the best way to teach good communication skills to others.


You might feel that this page is smaller than the other ones. Any guesses why? (Actually, I am still learning this one. the page started out small, now it is big)


Because the untold rule of communication is to use as less words as possible and still communicate as much as wanted. I am not even going to emphasize too much on this one because, it is so obvious.
Ok ok let me give you an example. Read on....


The first and foremost thing for anyone to do once he has made up his mind to speak in front of some human beings is to think of what he is going to talk about and as soon as this dawns upon him, words will flow automatically out of his mouth and he can speak, but if this is has not happened he would probably not be able to speak.

Importance of Communication

When you realize the difference between good communication skills and the "Good for nothing communication skills", it will be easier for you to become a good communicator.

Communication is probably the one skill which made us distinct amongst the animals. Along with our ability to think, it has brought progress in the world. Since we are born with superb inbuilt tools for communication, we often think we are born with good communication skills too.

Wonder why? Just because we have been doing it all our life!

It is true that from childhood you have been given verbal and non verbal inexplicit instructions on how to behave and talk to people. In spite of this, how many of us interrupt while others speak? On the other hand, how many of us can confidently say we are good in handling interruption?

We have been taught to speak to people rather than speak with them


In my experiments during the wandering days, I discovered that not only are these the default values passed on from generation to another; there was no proof that these were the best methods to use.

Most of them can't even be called good communication skills.
For example, while we are talking to others, seldom do we stop and ask ourselves what is it that I am trying to communicate? There is no definite goal for most of our conversations. From the childhood, we are taught that those who can talk faster are usually sharper than others. (Good communication skills?)

Am I suggesting that every time you talk, stop and think of all the words?

Of course not!!!!

Whenever you are expressing a thought to someone, it is a good idea if you have an overall picture of what are you trying to convey?


If you have picture or a sound in mind that you want to convey, it will be much easier to achieve your goal. To start practicing good communication skills, start using this principle today! This is not applicable just for people, every business also should trains it employees on business communication skills so they can be represented in an appropriate manner in the market place.


Remember, it is not just the words that do the job; it's a lot of other things too!!!!